can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
