You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My ass is underappreciated
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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