NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
