I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
