Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
