areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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