friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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