Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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