if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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