does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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