eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
