just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
