Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
