If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
