Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
