Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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