I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
