I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
