ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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