I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
