Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
