I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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