He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
