I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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