finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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