she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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