sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
