man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
