Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
