i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
