there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
