So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
