Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
