do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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