umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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