Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
