She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
