Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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