There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
