Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
