he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
