I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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