True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
