What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
