Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
