I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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