I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
