And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
