forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
