at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
