Will you blow on my dice?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
