Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
