I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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