It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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